Confessions of a Nurse

My Father Made A Great Nurse (And A Counselor, a Nonprofit Leader, and a Machinist)

by Nursetopia on June 16, 2013

My dad made me a better nurse. He still makes me a better nurse and leader. He just so happens to have done the same for my three other siblings, as well, but we all know I’m the favorite.

I’m fortunate to still have my dad physically in my life, and I never take it for granted. He’s the most humble man I know, and he leads as a servant. Truer than true, he taught me to take control of my own education through reading book after book – and mainly one Book with countless wisdom and applications.

His encouragement is soft and persistent, like good rain. His presence is easy and inviting. His laughter is sweet melody, like the guitar he can strum for hours. He’s a morning person. And if he’s ever hospitalized, I will be that person bringing a box of herb bottles to the admit nurse because he’ll take his garlic, vitamin C, and umpteenth other herbs forever but will never consider them “medicine.” He laughed as I used his medicine cabinet as a first-year nursing student pharmacology project. It was rough. And hysterical now that I really think about it.

Happy Father’s Day to my dad and all the dads and other gentlemen who’ve made fabulous nurses and other professionals! Mwwwwaaaaah!

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Among the Beautiful Things

by Nursetopia on June 6, 2013

The room is quiet.
The gray walls whisper calm, breathy songs.
They seem expanded.
The mirrors reflect the low, golden-sunset lamp-light.
It seems brighter without full light.
The sheets softly hum a higher, sweeter, earthy-gray harmony.
The bed feels bigger.
The dark tables offer both choice words and empty pages.
They feel like anchors.
The air is warmer and cooler.
It feels like a drug.

The room is different.
Crafted for me and my Love.

We laugh at 14 years and our now first experience with two side tables.
Why did either of us ever do without?
Year. After. Year?
We don’t remember.
We don’t care.
We come back to the present.
Fourteen years is enough to ensure everything about and within the room now speaks.
Our language.

After one year in my home, my husband and I completely made over our bedroom. It felt selfish but also needed as I retreat to my home and bedroom frequently to think and write and relive. A friend reminded me how lovely it is to be among the beautiful things that bring joy. I hope you’re among some of your favorite beautiful “things” today. Take care of yourself so you can take care of others.

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Colorful World

by Nursetopia on June 3, 2013

I’m so excited.

I’ve been waiting to paint several areas of my home for about a year now. Seriously. And it’s happening today! I’ve had the colors in mind for a long time, but I actually picked out just the right shades yesterday, and man, oh, man was it fun standing in front of hundreds of paint colors. So many possibilities. I walked away with a dark gray for my bedroom, a deep purple for my guest bathroom, a bright salmon for my entryway, and a brilliantly deep aqua for my closet. Yes, my closet!

If you haven’t noticed from the Nursetopia site and printables, color makes me happy. My home changes my mood for the day, which is important to me. My home is also my sanctuary; I love spending time there. It renews me and rejuvenates me.

What about you? Is your home everything you want it to be? Are you a fan of colors?

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Censoring Myself

by Nursetopia on May 29, 2013

Nursing is not always holding a patient’s hand at the bedside or listening to a family member grieve or welcoming uncomplicated, new life or being a knowledgeable and present professional in times of crisis. No, there are some not-so-inspirational nursing and healthcare moments rarely discussed in print.

Writing is vulnerability in print. It’s realization. Even as I work to be honest and open, you only see and read portions that I allow you access.

At the moment, I’m broken-spirited. I’m angry. I’m hurt. I’m confused. I’m shocked. I’m disappointed. I’m a whole range of emotions I don’t think are necessary.

I’m experiencing one of those paradigm-shifting circumstances. I can only think of one other time in my career in which I’ve felt like this, realizing my views (about many healthcare issues) are, indeed, morphing.

There are really so many things I could write about at this moment, but I’m not going to do so. At least not for an audience.

My self-induced censorship is purposeful but transparent. As much as censorship can be.

Are there any other writers that live this conundrum?

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The Value of Waiting

by Nursetopia on May 22, 2013

I’ve had several reminders this week about the value of waiting. The video below is only one of the many reminders, and it’s worth the nine minutes of your life.

Just for the record, I don’t like waiting. It feels like a waste – a waste of my time, a waste of my energy (yes, it takes energy to wait), a big, fat waste. And I wait all. the. time. I wait for my children to get out of the bathroom. I wait for my breakfast to finish cooking. I wait for my husband to move the other vehicle from behind me. I wait for the carpool load to fill my vehicle. I wait in the drop-off line at my children’s school. I wait in traffic. For a long time. I wait in line to pull into the hospital parking garage. I take the stairs no matter what floor I’m on or what shoes I’m wearing because I refuse to wait for the painfully slow elevator. I wait for my computer to boot up. I wait for people to arrive to meetings. I wait for the microwave to warm my lunch. I wait for meetings to end. I wait for email and telephone responses. I wait for fax transmittal sheets and the copy machine. I wait in traffic. Again. I wait in the bank teller line. I wait to talk to the grocery butcher. I wait for the neighborhood children to clear the mound of toys from my driveway so I can get into my garage. I wait for the pasta water to boil. I wait for my children to brush their teeth. I wait for the next day. I wait.

Most of the time, my “waiting” is anything but waiting. Just in case you forgot, I don’t like waiting, so I fill the empty spaces with other stuff.

But, there is value to waiting – unfilled, waiting space. It is the waiting that transforms my action. It is the waiting that prepares my mind. It is the waiting that calms my heart. It is the waiting that defines my character. It is the waiting that changes me. And even though it seems like wasteful, negative space, I’m realizing it’s actually the productive focus of the larger picture of me and my life.

Valuable doesn’t always equate to fun, though. Discipline is never fun in the moment. The results, however, are often brilliant. Happy waiting. 

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Be the Person You Should Be

by Nursetopia on May 16, 2013

“Simple” and “easy” are two very different concepts that people often mistakenly use interchangeably. Remaining poised in difficult times is a simple thought; it is by no means easy.

A recent Minute with Maxwell coaching video reminded me that poise is important. “Keep steady.” Oh, how I needed that one minute this week. Now for the “simple” application…oh my.

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Transcending Trinkets

by Nursetopia on May 7, 2013

I realize many nurses opine about Nurses Week as if administrators are forcing hospital cafeteria cookies down their throats while simultaneously stuffing their scrub pockets with cheap pens and angel figurines (adorned with an iconic nurse’s cap, of course).

Nurses Week is actually much more than all of that surface-level stuff, though. Personally, I have the opportunity to shower some extra love on the nurses in my life – the family members, the friends, the coworkers who are a part of my nursing career. We have a bond that ties us. Don’t get me wrong, that bond can be ugly and frayed; it’s by no means perfect. But it’s ours – the sweet moments of care, the horrific shifts, the mundane moments – and I get to highlight it.

I get to say via word and deed, “I know how hard your life’s work is because I do it, too, and you rock it; you own it; this week is about you because you are seriously that amazing.”

Funny thing is, the more I focus on and build up the nurses around me, the higher I go, as well. I think the more I write, the more written words mean to me. I sat at my desk yesterday morning, reading words from a friend and nurse colleague that brought me to tears.

No administrator has ever given me such a gift as the sincere and secretive thanks of a nurse colleague, nor could I ever expect him or her to be able to. No, the best person to take care of a nurse during Nurses Week is a nurse. That transcends trinkets.

 

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Painting Care

by Nursetopia on April 22, 2013

Ugly, purple, chipped toenail polish
Staring at me.
Days, weeks of effort focused on everyone and everything
Except me.
Today is no different.
The me, me, me cries out all around
But it’s not me, me, me.

I love those me’s.
I’d give me for those me’s.
Those me’s need me.

The long week turns into the long weekend, the long day, the long night.
Chipping away.
Needing attention.

Rest rolls in.
Hair up.
Polish around.
I paint and paint and paint.
Strokes of long awaited attention.
In red.

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Thoughts of West

by Nursetopia on April 19, 2013

WestTexas is made up of 254 counties and thousands of small towns that most Texans know for some reason or another, if not for simply “passing through.” The city of West, Texas is about 120 miles north of Austin, where I currently live. The annual West Fest, with its German beer and polka music, and the Interstate-35 Czech Stop, with the best kolaches, are well-known across the Lone Star State.

I grew up in another one of those rural Texas towns – about 50 miles northeast of West – and people actually heard and felt the fertilizer plant explosion on the outskirts of town. For perspective, the explosion registered at a magnitude of 2.1, and ammonium nitrate, which caused the explosion, is the same substance included in a homemade bomb by Timothy McVeigh in the 1995 Oklahoma City Albert P. Murrah Federal Building bombing – 18 years ago today.

Ironically, the ammonium nitrate causing the explosion may have been formed from a deadly chemical reaction between the company’s 54,000 pounds of anhydrous ammonia fertilizer, the firefighters’ water as they tried to squelch the flames of the burning plant, and other strangely unique events. Dozens of homes were destroyed, 160 people were injured with Waco-area hospitals triaging and treating in unison, and at least 14 people have died – with the count climbing as many are still unaccounted. Numerous first responders are among the dead.

I heard a student nurse from the town tell a television reporter about how she helped others set up the morgue at the community center. I am both proud and sorrowful for her – that she clearly is in the right profession, to act swiftly and professionally in times of crisis, humbly serving her community – but also that one of her early nursing memories will be this one – triaging the dead, whom she likely knew. Her voice cracked in the interview, and her eyes watered. The camera cut away; I shed tears with her.

This week has been particularly difficult with Boston, now West, and numerous other miscellaneous serious news-worthy events. Moments like these are not easy, and I find myself thinking of how much more it is magnified by the lens of being a small, Texas town. I drift to thinking of my small hometown – how close-knit the community is and how everyone pitches in to help and how one part of the town impacts everything else. I see West passing my mind’s eye as I drive past the town on my way to visit family and friends. I hear the laughter of friends as they talk about the West Fest polka music or Polka Run.

Yes. I can’t help but think of West.

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The Holy Bible [Audio Book Review]

by Nursetopia on April 1, 2013

No, this isn’t an April Fools’ Day ruse, my friends. This is real. I share reviews of all the other books I read – covering numerous topics, so after finishing a “Bible in 90 Days” reading plan through YouVersion‘s iPhone app, I figured this review is quite appropriate.

I’ve read the Holy Bible in its entirety before; it was even part of my required reading – along with other religious literary works – in public high school. This was the first time I’ve read it in 90 days, though. It was challenging but worth every moment. I both read and listened to the New International Version provided by Biblica via YouVersion. Max McLean narrates the audio version; he has a commanding voice, and soothing background music accompanies his monologue.

The Bible is actually a compilation of 66 books within the Old Testament (written before the birth of Jesus Christ) and the Old Testament (covering the birth, life, and events after Jesus’s birth). The books range in style from historical works and law to prophetic messages, words of wisdom, and heated romance and poetry. The Bible was written by over 40 authors across a span of 1600 years, has been translated into over 1200 languages, and remains the all-time best-seller and most read book in the world.

I typically read and listened to the Bible in the mornings, on my way to work, and daily readings covered approximately 18 chapters. I had maybe one or two days without any assigned reading. Yes, I did fall behind the plan a few times, but it was easy to catch up as I limited my other media consumption, which was perhaps an added bonus over the last three months. Finishing the reading plan on Easter Sunday held special significance for me. The Bible means a lot to me as a nurse; it guides my work and my life. Scriptures are posted all over my office as personal encouragement and reminders, and I’ve even used the Bible to open and focus meetings, as I work within a Catholic healthcare organization.

I really enjoyed the audio version for its convenience to listen to while commuting. Still, reading the words myself always proved faster and more enjoyable. YouVersion has special features in which readers can highlight, take notes, and even share scriptures in various formats. Throughout the 90 days, the app did crash and the audio version did snag. I found that I typically needed to update my iPhone app during those times. The latest update to the YouVersion app seems to run much faster and have fewer crashes. While I read the New International Version, or NIV, because I seem to understand it better, YouVersion has literally hundreds of versions and languages. And, I completed my reading/listening in 90 days, but again, YouVersion has numerous plans to choose from to cover your desired reading tempo or topical reading.

Needless to say, I’m starting a new “plan” today, and I highly recommend the Holy Bible for your own reading. Even if you’re not a Christian, I encourage you to pick it up and approach it from a purely literary perspective. It’s beautiful literature.

Have you ever read the Holy Bible? Are you reading it now? What are your thoughts about it?

6086575642_8d0f8fbfc2 Copyright jason2917, Flickr.com

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